Home

But · Home · is · Nowhere


A nightingale in a golden cage: that's me locked inside reality's maze

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · User Info

* * *
 
Behold... My Future
  I will marry robert pattinson.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in nyc in our fabulous Apartment.  
  We will have 3 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a silver bicycle.
  I will spend my days as a anthropologist, and live happily ever after.  
 
whats your future
 
* * *
yay for me looking up hate groups on wikipedia rather than  studying.  senioritis has begun.  Did anyone actually study for philosophy?  i didnt!

One of my distant cousins who's in the marines in iraq recently talked to his mother.  Two of his bffs just got killed in a roadside bombing.  Kind of puts things like midterms in perspective.  We are at war and all, its surprising easy to forget.

i love how our new school district periodical is called pride. does anyone else find this funny?

Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
* * *
yeah so Requiem for a Dream was pretty much the most disturbing movie i ever saw. ever.  And even more disturbing, i watched it with my mother.  The basic message: drug-dealing leads to becoming a junkie, prostitution, going insane, and possibly getting your arm chopped off.

I need to go watch something funny now.  youtube! yay.  lol

*Riss~*

Current Mood:
disturbed disturbed
* * *

OK, well, to go a few months ahead, I'm turning 18 soon which means, of course, legal tattoos and piercings, yay!  So i need an opinion.  I dont know when i'm getting my first tat, but it will be sometime before i start college, and i have a few ideas for what i want to get, so i want to know what you guys think about which should be my first.  

My first idea is kind of a variation of the 

that i would get on my upper back.    Another one i want to get is
this )
probably above my ankle.    I also want to get the phases of the moon on my lower back (tramp stamp, lol), and a flower medley on my foot.  I know the last one is really cliche, but i've wanted it for a while, so idc.  I just dont want that as the first.

Anyhow, please give me an opinion, thanks.

~Riss~*
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
Current Music:
Blind Guardian// Another Stranger Me
* * *

I got into college- Clark University.  It was kind of a safety, kind of a good match, but at least I know I'm going somewhere.  I didnt think i would feel this much better for a school that wasnt even really a top choice, but i am.  Therefore I'm in a good mood, despite my horrible cramps.  Damn you, uterus and estrogen.

I hate January.  No one is ever in a consistently good mood this month.  Probably because of the weather, SAD and all that.  yay pysch.

OMG. of all the things i'll miss about alj, i think euro will be the most.  I <3 that class so much, you have no idea.  I really have to sashythat spence is my favorite person i ever met thus far in my life.  without a doubt.  I like pysch too, but theres more idiots in that class, and they ruin it sometimes by making stupid comments and stuff.  And the dumbasses in the back never shut up.  sebastian is really funny though, i'm not gonna lie. 

 

bye bye

*Riss~*

Current Mood:
satisfied satisfied
* * *

I think i have the flu.  I cant stop shaking and coughing and my throat feels terrible.  Idc, i am not missing school until march,  Unless i'm like bedridden or something.  

ugh, i have dance tonight. Don't really feel like going, especially being sick, but i wont learn the steps otherwise.  I love dance, as far as the dancing part, i just dont like the people there and all their bullshit.  They are sooo disrespectful of our teacher, who is sometimes too nice and they take advantage of her.  Except now she's getting bitchier to everyone because of them, and i dont want that to happen to her.  Still, i'm kind of sad its my last yeear, i'm going to cry at the recital when she calls the seniors to the stage and makes her speech.  I almost cry every year, and now i'll be one of them, so i'm going to probably like sob onstage.  :(

All my college stuff is done, went to my last interview last night.  It was ok.  i hate trying to sell myself, its the worst thing ever for me.  But its done. Now i just have to wait. 

If Patti's absent again, i'm going to kill her. 

Current Mood:
sick sick
* * *

i'm sick AGAIN... no idea how that happened.  but i'm laying on the couch all day so i can get rest, theres no way i'm missing school this month.  grrr.

i really wish something interesting would happen to me.  I dont know if nothing exciting happens to me anymore or if i'm just jaded to everything. :-\  At least i know for a fact that college will be a new experience, so i won't be jaded to that.  It's weird though, i feel almost like i would prefer my sophomore year depression/ anger to this.  At least then i felt something.  Youre not supposed to feel like this at 17.  

I love gothic metal.   i still can't get into emo or indie, the only emo i really like is MCR, and theyre more like alternative.  Seriously, without music, i would be like a robot, with no emotion.  I really sometimes think Nightwish saved my life, becuase i got into them during a really bad time in my life and i was able to kind of dissociate into another world when i was listening to them, and i think that really prevented me from doing anything to hurt myself and stuff.

 

Current Mood:
indifferent indifferent
Current Music:
Tristania// My Lost Lenore
* * *

The Red Tent was pretty good, but i really didnt enjoy it that much,  It went on too long, and i've decided that i really dont like books that go through that long of a period of time... i dont think they capture life as well as books that give little snapshots, a year of someone's life, etc.  idk. 

Hah, every single person who went to england took off today.  Except truempy, but we did absolutely nothing in philosophy. 

Only 5 more months

*Riss~*

Current Mood:
complacent complacent
Current Music:
Nightwish.. Elvenpath
* * *
* * *

Wow, i really hope that 2007 is better, 2006 kind of sucked ass.  But anyway, its over so thats cool.   

Can't believe tomorrow's the last day off.  I really dont want to go back to ALJ, it gets more unbearable with each break.  But, dorky as it sounds, i miss Euro a lot.  That class makes my day interesting, seriously.  

Highlights of 2006
- South Beach
-Cape Cod <3333
- the realization that being a senior means LAST YEAR IN THIS dumbass school/town
-just hanging with steph and patti... hanging out is like the only thing i enjoy doing recently
-deciding to go pagan... i know that sounds lame, but it's one of the best decisions i've made

I'm not going make myself depressed with a lowlights list.  

Love ya all!!!
*Riss~*

Current Location:
MCR// The Sharpest Lives
Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
* * *
Went to Boston and back in one day yesterday.  Which is of course complete insanity, but it was fun.  I love college students.  The guys there have the funniest conversations.  Except my sisnter's gay friend was in their room and my aunt told me i dont know how to talk to gay guys... wtf i wasnt talking to im becuase a) i never met him before in my life and b) he was complaining about some exam that of course i didnt take and therefore i had nothing to add to that conversation.  

Family is annoying.  whatever

I feel like going to cape cod.  We should go over the summer.  I want to go with friends, because i love it there so much but my parents kind of ruin it.  Thats sad to say, but its true.  Its hard to discover oneself with them hovering around all the time.

I'm rambling.  sorry i'll stop.  I have really bad cramps someone shoot me.

*Riss~*

Current Mood:
mellow mellow
* * *
i can't wait until we get natalie tomorrow.  (lucky bitch gets like a month off).  Even though she and i clash since i'm not used to her living here and stuff, at least there'll be a buffer between me and my mom.  Great Goddess i cant take it anymore.  She hadslike these terrible mood swings and i dont want to here her screaming about nothing anymore.  

College soon.  hah, good riddance.  Except theres A LOT i'll miss.

But i'm looking forward to new experiences and the like.  

OMG, we had so much fun in italian laughing at really immature, crude things.  I love lauren's sense of humor.  

I wish i saw Patti on weekends more, we haven't hung out for awhile besides school. *sighs*  Everybody else sees their friends more since theyv'e started driving, i see mine less. 

Current Mood:
bitchy bitchy
* * *

So the school pyschologist came in to talk to our class today. I dont think it helped.  I mean, it showed that someone in our administration actually gives a crap about us, but other than that... i dont know, i almost feel worse about everything.  I feel really selfish, because i dont want him to come back.  I feel almost like the class environment is ruined, like it cant be the way it was, we cant talk about everything we did and get off-topic, because he'll flip out or something.  I know its terrible to think, but i do.  We really are selfish beings, arent we.

and i feel guilty for no reason. 

Current Mood:
shaken up shaken up
Current Music:
JET// Look What You've Done
* * *
ugh, i'm seriously so sick of college.  No joke, i dont even care where i go anymore.  I know im going somewhere.  Today when i handed in the transcript money, it was such a wave of relief.  All i have to do now is wait.  

Bad mood today.  PMS.  

The ending of The Handmaid's Tale was too ambivalent.  Im an optimist and therefore took the ending like she got away.  Whatever.

OMG, i really need to get presents for people.  I'm only buying for steph, lauren, and patti, and a birthday present for cassie.  I hope no one else buys me anything, i cant afford more than that.  

Christmas is like the most pagan holiday ever.  Its full of pagan tradition, the whole celebration.  And its always been what i said i would miss, if i wasnt a christain, when its not even a christian tradition. Whatever.

Current Music:
I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
* * *

--Domestic cat--

-Your capacity for malice doesn't really show in your record

-Switch your aggressive attitude on and off at will; your threatening words and actions are most effective because they're unexpected and used infrequently

-Usually active at night; will get up in the morning and have "play time"; afternoon is "nap time"

-Beautiful, enigmatic, and easy to please

-Things and people must be active or dynamic to keep your attention

-"Possessive" of friends and family

-Interact best in a pair, usually with the opposite sex

-Some of your play serves as practice to sharpen skills

-Good at tracking things down and achieving your goal (female cat)

-Have unique and questionable ways of teaching others (female cat)

-When after something, your actions are sudden and surprising; use "ambush" tactics

-Need to be sharp and ready

-Don't like people "invading your territory," and are sure to let them know who they're messing with if they try; if threatened by a new presence, you may try to reaffirm your position

-Purposely "butt heads" with someone to express affection; tend to send mixed messages about your feelings

-Try to hide facts you aren't proud of

-Keep your good work hidden as well, if you feel it could be better and isn't yet complete (female cat)

-Great to have around, not only for your usefulness, but you have some amusing antics, too

-Spend an amazing amount of time taking it easy (i.e. sleeping)

-Exclusively aggressive character (not mean - just not passive)

-Don't have much endurance, and hate spending a long time chasing after one thing - instead you will wait for an opportunity to pounce upon

-Can cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time; reach improbable levels

-Suited to the task of pursuing, seeking out, and searches through things

-Take in information in its entirety, whether with the senses or mind

-Live a balanced life

-May appear to alter your personality in a variety of ways in order to be most comfortable

-Able to understand obscure meanings and see what is concealed within others; even the slightest change is picked up on and serves as an indication for you; your secretive nature enables you to see secrets in others

-A good swimmer who enjoys bathing; very clean

-Known as apathetic and silently critical; aloof and self-sufficient, but can also be very affectionate

-Primarily solitary, usually found alone or in places with a low number of people; you are "social enough"

-Nemesis of individuals who are destructive, annoying, or injurious; elate others by putting these nuisances in their place

-Some fear you for irrational reasons

-Your carried burdens and concomitant stress level vary substantially throughout the year

-Seem to be a lot more authoritative and influential at certain times than at others

-Your attacks aren't so much about overwhelming and subduing, but much more centered around painfully probing and keenly injuring feelings; wounding remarks and insults are your specialty

-Eclectic background

-Your success is not typically limited by external circumstances, but extremes can throw you off terribly

-Do not care to help others (male cat)

-Most active where there are few people to disturb you

-Prefer staying in your area of birth (female cat)

-Will probably leave your birthplace (male cat)

-Communicate with visual cues, such as subtle movements or facial expressions

-Can sometimes locate and seize an prospect "blindly," or with very little help .... yet often miss what's right under your nose

-Can defeat worthy adversaries

-Avoid ventures that seem too difficult, and people that are too offensive or aggravating

-Fierce when threatened, and are able to protect yourself from even daunting opponents

-Your bad moods are dangerously contagious, but mostly, being around you relieves the stress of the other person

-Highly valued for your work, even if it comes naturally

-Some people get your emotions confused, mistakenly taking you for happy when you aren't

-Have arresting eyes

-Can pounce into action at any given moment

-Vigorously chase away strangers, either through intimidating stares, harsh language, or a flat-out fight; serious damage is rarely done; will make yourself appear better than you are to frighten

-Enjoy heat and solar exposure

-Able to remain motionless for long periods, especially when observing something or hesitating to make a move

-Struggle to maintain inner stability, despite calm and collected exterior

-Fussy eater, who will reject food that doesn't fit the taste you expected

-Skilled at ignoring people unless you want to interact

-Can sense that you're nearing a hindrance without actually seeing the clues

-Some find your voice to be comforting or pleasurable, though you complain and make condescending remarks on occasion

-Live in a mutualistic arrangement with those around you

-Had fewer social relationships to benefit from in the past, which may be the reason you do not "understand" the desires of your peers in the same way most do

-Don't always get the reward you think you deserve

* * *
It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year

It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall

It’s the heav-heaviest season of all

There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago

it’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
it’s the scale flattening time of the year

there’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll

It’s the most fattening time of the year

All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear

It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year

The Twelve Pains of Christmas~

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(Angry husband)
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
(Man getting over being drunk)
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thng at Christmas that's such a pain to me
(Exhausted man):
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(Nervous wife)
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(Nervous wife's husband)
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
(Whining kid)
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
(A tired father)
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(A mother)
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Oh, facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(A male couch potato)
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She's a witch...I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
(Two men)
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make 'em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
join to post

And i have internet again... Great Goddess I'm addicted to technology

* * *
bleh. Sick.

Patti better be in school tomorrow, lunch is boring without her and i feel like i'm bursting to talk to her about 2905403957 except i have nothing important to say. Euro test is gonna suck, i cant keep the friggin scientists straight. I dont care about Newton inventing calculus. Thanks, Isaac, for making my 6th period a living hell.

And thanks to Galileo and his physics crap, my gpa is ruined. But when i hear his name i think of Bohemian Rhapsody, so he's ok with me.

Going to Mass. AGAIN this weekend becuase my sis wants me to go to a metal show at the Palladium in Worcester with her and i said i would. Hopefully my throat stops kicking me in the ass by then.

I want a tattoo. And my nose pierced. Not cause i want to be all hardxcore, i just feel comfortable with the idea of myself pierced and inked. The feeling of getting/having a new form of body art is like a high that lasts for a few days. It's literally exhilirating. and this is me with only a few ear piercings. hah.

Current Mood:
sick sick
Current Music:
Queen// Bohemian Rhapsody
* * *
Thanksgiving with my mom's side was boring, as usual. My dad's side was better, since there are actually people within a 20 year radius of my age. We danced, took stupid pictures, and watched Monster House, which was actually really good. The humor was definitely not kid's level.

Omg, you guys, Randy Cordero goes to school with my cousin! One of her friends hooked up with him. Apparently he's really popular there. Whatever, i hated that kid.

So, Boston the rest of the weekend. Somehow i have to find about two hours. 45 minutes for the DBQ and then some time for an Italian paper. And Euro terms. grrr

k, well, that all.

*Riss~*

Current Music:
Band Aide// Feed the World
* * *
The ending of The Goat really disappointed me.  eh.   I heard The Handmaid's Tale was really good, I'm glad we're getting away from Albee, as much as i wanted to read his stuff, plays just arent my thing. 

Me and Steph were talking about journal keeping, and how she used to do it for ten minutes every night.  I have never been able to keep a diary.  This is the closest i have ever come, and hardly anyone reads or writes in lj anymore.  Seriously, i used to have like 20 people, now its like 3 or four, who i read and (maybe?) read mine... 

But i can still look back to entries from like 7th grade and look at how dumb i was and how all of our problems were so angsty and meaninglessly adolescent.  Ah, middle school.  How glad i am that i never have to go back.   

I'm really bored with my life. Something exciting needs to happen like, now.  The problem is, almost nothing gets a reaction from me anymore.  I'm just so jaded and i have to say nothing even disappoints me even.  It really sucks.

Current Mood:
apathetic apathetic
* * *

So i got a new phone.  But now i feel like an asshole for caring about that... *shrugs*

aargh! the holidays are coming up and i am broke like you have no idea.

I was pleasantly surprised with most of my grades, but a B+ in italian!!! wtf??? usually thats like the one class i know ill get an A in.  Frickin A ...

ah, I got so lazy last week and this one i dont feel like doing anything.  Good thing most of my college stuff is done.  I should just send the fucking applications instead of bitching about everything.

I want money, i need a job, but i dont feel like getting one.  Its so hard without a car...  

Current Mood:
crappy crappy
Current Music:
AFI// Love Like Winter
* * *

Previous

Advertisement